Marrying a Turkish man

#1
i found this on a website it was taken from a turkish newspaper. when i read it i laughed some of it is funny im not married to a turkish man those tht are do you think its true??

The records of marriages between Turks and foreigners have always indicated that the Turkish side of these marriages is predominantly male. It is rare to see a marriage of a Turkish girl and foreign man in the records of the registry offices.

What is the “magic” of Turkish men? Why do foreign women prefer Turkish men to marry, while Turkish girls do not prefer foreign men? Are the relationships ever-lasting love stories, or do they disappoint after the first few years? These questions were directed to foreign women in Marmaris who have experienced marriage with a Turkish man. They gave long answers to explain their feelings, objective reasons as to why they married and told of the new lives they then lived. To respect the privacy of these women, their names will be omitted.

What is attractive about Turkish men? What characteristics do they generally have that other men may not?

Turkish men are generally darker skinned than European men. Western women like bronzed skin and deep, brown eyes, probably because it is the opposite of what they are used to seeing in Europe.

Turkish men do not know the word “No” and are very helpful. This is a national trait of all Turks, but foreign women only find this out later, at first they think it is something special about their man. Translating documents and official papers, help with Turkish procedures, with bartering to buy something, with the payment of bills such as electricity, water, gas and council fees or with finding the best boat or jeep or safari trip, Turkish men will do for free. This kind of help has a price tag in Europe.

Turkish men work very hard and never tire, they just get on with what needs to be done until it is finished. European men, however, are used to working specific hours and so they watch the clock.

Turkish men are demonstrative with their feelings toward women and are very uncomplicated. Most women are initially attracted to the gentlemanly manner of Turkish men. They treat their partner like a lady. They initially make their partner feel special, embody the idea of the Latin love and have a very macho image. As time progresses and a Turkish man has conquered his challenge, a woman will be lucky if he comes home to dinner at night, let alone gaze into her eyes and tell her that she is special.

Here are a few more comments collected from foreign women on the question, “Why are you with a Turkish man?”

1. Being treated like an “angel,” with over the top courtesy – but only at first!

2. The challenge of trying to keep him faithful and only have eyes for them!

3. The confident approach of Turkish men and their convincing infatuation for the poor unsuspecting foreigner.

4. Learning to live with different cultures, which can be amusing and frustrating, is always interesting.

5. Turkish men are far more passionate than their European counterparts.

6. Some women like to be pinched on the cheek and treated like a precious China doll.

7. The olive skin of Turkish men, who are good looking and sexy, means they do not look like a “milk bottle” when they take their shirts off!

8. The “treat them mean, keep them keen” approach might keep some women interested.

After hearing these opinions, the comments of a British bride once married to a Turk, who has now been divorced for many years but still lives in Marmaris are meaningful. “Foreign women do not set out to marry Turkish men, but the majority visit Turkey's holiday resorts and meet someone in warm romantic settings and actually fall in love with the ambience. I think the lifestyle here contributes to it all because if they had met that person in their own country, amid the clouds and rain of home, things would not be so rosy.”

What is "difficult" about Turkish men? Do cultural differences bring many difficulties over time?

Cultural differences are not so apparent when just a man and woman are alone, but they come into play more when family is around.

For instance, if a foreign woman wears open summer clothes, the father of her Turkish man may frown. The man may also feel uncomfortable about too much skin revealed and may feel that his father is being disrespected.

Turkish women are expected to wait on men at family gatherings while men sit and enjoy themselves. This is inequality in the mind of a European woman and goes against her upbringing.

If they met on holiday and then moved nearer to family who are living in a city or a more rural area, the woman may be expected to cover more skin in order to respect the elders and be decent in the eyes of their society.

Religion may play a big part in issues of cultural difference. The woman may be expected to become Muslim in time, but there will be no pressure at first.

To conclude, a Turkish man's family always comes first and his wife always second. A lot of Turkish men are pressured by their families to do what their mother, father or brother see as right and they are not allowed to argue or are afraid to, which results in the break down of a lot of relationships.

Is it easy for a European woman to live in Turkey after marriage? What kind of life is it?

This question is very difficult and really depends on the individual characteristics of the woman and man in the relationship. If the woman is used to partying, drinking and socializing on a regular basis, does not worry about dress codes and has a lot of male friends and she marries a man who loves her a lot but who is from a rural background, she might not be highly regarded by his family and friends. She might feel suffocated by not being able to go out, socialize and drink and he will start to look down on her and feel embarrassed by her.

Neither is at fault, but this is where cultural differences can come to a head.

There are so many factors and so much depends on the individuals who marry, their upbringings, the proximity of relatives and in which part of Turkey they live. I personally know of many happily married mixed couples, who each give a little in order to meet in the middle. They work out when to be Western and when to toe the line with Turkish customs and then there can be harmony. But it takes a lot more “give” from the woman's side to make it work.
 
#3
Hi Alice,
I'm counted in this rare list, Turkish lady with a foreigner man!
but having an unsuccesful marriage with a Turkish man before I have an experience on this side too Many things in the article are true but we should also keep in my mind that there will be differences according to the culture and personality.Unfortunately not many but there are well educated, respectful good Turkish men as well.

Marrying to a Turkish man I felt as foreigner most of the time, especially while following all these strict customs and rules. I've been raised in a democratic and flexible environment and also I was rebel a bit:) and as a Turkish lady I found these rules too much. Additional to other problems customs and rules played a major role in my divorce.

As it says in the article family has a big role, most Turkish men mostly come with the package you fall in love with a man but marry to all family. For rare who can manage this, it might just be supportive, caring and secure having additional people who loves and help you but mostly they go further and they would like to control your life. And they dont understand the point if you demand your personal and own life and mostly this offend them. So it was very tricky for me. But now I appreciate what I have, there is nothing better than having a democratic, healthy, balanced relationship.
 

ally

Rose of Kusadasi
#4
sezin;190068 said:
As it says in the article family has a big role, most Turkish men mostly come with the package you fall in love with a man but marry to all family. For rare who can manage this, it might just be supportive, caring and secure having additional people who loves and help you but mostly they go further and they would like to control your life. And they dont understand the point if you demand your personal and own life and mostly this offend them. So it was very tricky for me. But now I appreciate what I have, there is nothing better than having a democratic, healthy, balanced relationship.
This is very true Sezin....as you say, you don't just marry the man but you marry his family as well. Luckily for me, my husband's immediate family are fine, really nice but it's the uncles, aunts and cousins that I don't like :eek: Expecting the loan of money at the drop of a hat is nothing out of the ordinary; and it's the "expecting" that bother's me, not really the asking. They never expect to hear the word no.
I count myself lucky that my husband isn't strict and I'm free to do what and go were I want to. Maybe that's down to him living in the UK for 10 years, I don't know.
I'm happy for you that you're now in a relationship that makes you happy.
 
#5
ally;190070 said:
This is very true Sezin....as you say, you don't just marry the man but you marry his family as well. Luckily for me, my husband's immediate family are fine, really nice but it's the uncles, aunts and cousins that I don't like :eek: Expecting the loan of money at the drop of a hat is nothing out of the ordinary; and it's the "expecting" that bother's me, not really the asking. They never expect to hear the word no.
I count myself lucky that my husband isn't strict and I'm free to do what and go were I want to. Maybe that's down to him living in the UK for 10 years, I don't know.
I'm happy for you that you're now in a relationship that makes you happy.
Hi Ally, I was thinking being a Turkish lady they I expect more from us:) and I was thinking they might be a bit more flexible with foreigner brides:) but looks like its not the case:)
Actually what ever family do, its all up to the husband so I'm glad you have an understanding husband. Obivously its difficult for you to control his family but easy for him and if you say no this will offend them but he can say anything he wants. Keeping in mind we Turkish are so emotional and sensitive;)difficult to accept "no":) So man should manage this relationship, while protecting the bride:)
Glad that he makes you feel free, now I laugh when I think about the fights we have during my marriage such as being dropped to home by a male collegue or not dancing in my sister in law's wedding:)
 
#7
The article is spot on. I'm one of the rare cases of an English man married to a Turkish woman. She has lots of friends who are either divorced or never been married. They want to be married. They often will say "Do you have any friends back home like you?" (Blush ;-). They are all lovely people who if living in England would be attractive to Englishmen. When I ask why they can't find a Turkish husband they invariably say that all the good ones were taken long ago, and that the only available ones treat their women badly (broadly along the lines of the article in post #1). When I ask why they are interested in English men they reply that they are polite and treat their women well. Another reason, never expressed, is that English men can usually give them financial security. A benefit for English men is that Turkish women treat their men well, they do not consider pleasing their man to be demeaning. We never stop delighting in finding ways to please eachother. How many times in England did I hear the phrase "You wouldn't catch me dressing to please my man, I dress to please myself" (Quote: my daughter. How sad.)
 

ally

Rose of Kusadasi
#8
Ohhh!! :inlove:

The one from 1975's my favourite....me sitting under the tent stuffing my face, while my dream man's frolicing around outside on a horse.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJnBUrgTzxU


I was determined that I wasn't going to get involved with any man the first time I came to Turkey; turkish or otherwise...but we have no control over fate :eek:
 
#9
sezin its intresting to read your posts and very true!! i went out with a turkish man once this was a couple of years ago now, it didnt last very long because when he introduced me to his family they started interfering and after i had met them a few times they decided that they didnt want their son to be with a foreign girl they wanted a nice turkish girl for him! i dont know if its because of british girls acting drunk and slutty on holiday and they have given us all a bad name but i didnt understand because they welcomed me into their house and fussed overme asking me questions but then told him the opposite and to get rid of me and he did, to turkish men family is the most important thats my experience anyway now i just have fun and dont get tied down.
 
#10
Alice x;190251 said:
sezin its intresting to read your posts and very true!! i went out with a turkish man once this was a couple of years ago now, it didnt last very long because when he introduced me to his family they started interfering and after i had met them a few times they decided that they didnt want their son to be with a foreign girl they wanted a nice turkish girl for him! i dont know if its because of british girls acting drunk and slutty on holiday and they have given us all a bad name but i didnt understand because they welcomed me into their house and fussed overme asking me questions but then told him the opposite and to get rid of me and he did, to turkish men family is the most important thats my experience anyway now i just have fun and dont get tied down.
Hi Alice, ofcourse there are good ones as well out there, but unfortunately most of the time this is the case. Actually its good though you got everything clear at the beginning, sooner is better. Probably families are thinking it will be much more difficult to control or direct a foreign girl, and they wouldnt think to change or be flexible. Also its difficult to understand what they think about you in the first place as we are always nice to our guests and willing to welcome every guest in the nicest way possible.
 
#11
Alice x;190251 said:
british girls acting drunk and slutty on holiday and they have given us all a bad name <snip>
Many Turkish people that I have met think this about British girls and women, so it could be a factor. Not so much those Turks who have been to Britain but those whose only contact is with the hoardes who come to the south western coastal tourist spots in Turkey each year, who display their breasts in public and who are not quite sure whether they are in Majorca or Benidorm.

I once took a Turkish girlfriend to London. When she saw some women in the tube in very short skirts and being quite vocal she asked me if they were prostitutes. Perhaps we should start a new thread about this! Perhaps not - it could get quite heated :D
 

ally

Rose of Kusadasi
#12
Lez Zetli;190794 said:
I once took a Turkish girlfriend to London. When she saw some women in the tube in very short skirts and being quite vocal she asked me if they were prostitutes. Perhaps we should start a new thread about this! Perhaps not - it could get quite heated :D
I've seen turkish girls in Istanbul and Izmir, as well as Kusadasi, in mini-skirts, so it's not that unusual to see them. If anyone watches those turkish "dizis" on TV you'll notice that those which are set in Istanbul all have women dressed in mini-skirts as normal day wear. :eek:

I think it's a good idea that anyone going to meet their boyfriend/fiance's family should dress appropriately and not in a pair shorts or mini-skirt....first impressions and all that. :doh:
 
#13
ally;190799 said:
I think it's a good idea that anyone going to meet their boyfriend/fiance's family should dress appropriately and not in a pair shorts or mini-skirt....first impressions and all that. :doh:

I agree Ally, and given half the chance I would have done but....my hubby was taking me around on his bike, the first week we met when he pulled up outside this little summer house on long Beach....
'Where are we?' I asked him
'At my parents' house' he replied
'Whaaaaat!' I can't go in and meet your parents dressed like this!!' I screamed.

I was absolutely horrified, as I was only wearing a bikini with a short summer skirt over it, having just come from the beach. He assured me it would be no problem, and you know what? It wasn't!

I was very lucky though, his family are so relaxed, and have lived in Kusadasi for many years so never batted an eyelid at my attire. Phew! They have accepted me lock, stock and barrel and tell all the neighbours how much they love their English gelin. :eek:
 

ally

Rose of Kusadasi
#14
You are lucky Jo! I think if I'd have turned up like that at my future in-laws they'd have had a buckle in their eye! :confused:
I guess it's all down to traditions; mine lived a village life so were not used to seeing foreigners let alone one in a mini-skirt. :eek:
 
#15
I know Ally, and hubby obviously knew it wouldn't be a problem for his parents, else he'd never have taken me like that.

But to anyone else reading, I really wouldn't advise it, as I think my family are far more the exception rather than the rule!
 
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