Turkish Mother in Laws

#1
if your married or have a turkish boyfriend/girlfriend whats your relationship like with his mam? when i was going out with my turkish boyfriend his mum was so mean she really wanted him to have a turkish girlfriend and she would verbally express it anytime i was near her. this made me laugh

Turkish or not, In-law relations are complicated enough without the cultural differences, and everybody deals with them in their own manner. This manner is usually determined by years of hardship and painful experiences. There are always exceptions to general conceptions, and sometimes we come across the lucky few who actually get along with their mother in laws.

I will try to explain your stereotype ‘Kaynana’ and how her ‘Gelin’ has dealt with her throughout centuries!

The Mother in Law or the so called ‘Kaynana’ probably adores her son and thinks and acts like you are not good enough for him right? He deserved much better right? Well the good news is you are not alone and this is nothing personal!

It wouldn’t have mattered if you were Turkish either or if you walked on water and had a halo on your head. She wouldn’t care less if you were Miss World with a degree in cooking, child care and had a Nobel peace prize too either! You have married her lives work, her masterpiece, her reason of existence and by marrying him you have probably left a big whole in her daily life. She will probably follow the three steps we all have at one time or another; denial anger and acceptance! In some cases you will see a scrabbled version such as anger denial, anger and more anger. Sadly for some acceptance never seems possible.

We all need to have somebody on our sides and we count on our loved ones for this. Disappointingly, your husband may seem aloof to your troubles with her. Again it’s nothing personal, remember that he has had years of software downloaded by her to prepare him for such a day. Confrontation will not be an option for him. Weapons such as emotional blackmail by the mother or even the son may be applied to settle things. Being hit by such strong emotions and tactics, we wonder what to do? The volume of such emotions and the type of tactics used will vary from family to family. But I am sure I have hit the nail on the head for most of us. We can choose painfully to fight this ancient battle with our own weapons. I choose to follow the footsteps of those before me, those of the typical Turkish Gelin.

Easing the symptoms of your Kaynana;

Instead of feeling like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, hitting your heels together and wishing you were home; you can change your approach!
Try to emulate Luke Sky Walker from Star wars, your kaynana will probably love being Yoda as she guides you; her protégé to the path of wisdom and skill. Here are some pointers to start the easing process;

*Ask her questions, respect her experiences and depend on them now and then!
*Ask her help on how to deal with daily issues and people, let her know that her ideas matter to you.
*Keep her busy with the grandchildren and let her know that her help is priceless.
*Ask her for ideas and help this will make her a happier person. You may even find that she really does give you the best advice!
*Give her the new job of helping you cope.
*Her friend’s opinions probably mean the world to her so try to make a good impression when they are around.
*Be hospitable to both her and her loved ones when they visit.
*Remember important days such as Birthdays and Bayrams. Make sure you call, at the least!
*Make sure she knows you take care of her son. Tell her about dinner, ironing and so on.
 

kibris

Mancunian Crooner
#2
In other words you have to kow-tow to some vicious nasty old witch from hell in order to make a go of it with her son and never forget to do your ironing!! lol kib
 
#4
That sounds about right kibris. We know a girl in Kusadasi who lives there full time on the sitesi where our house is. She is Irish and married to a Turkish man from Bursa. His whole family comes to stay during the Summer and the peace ends. His mother is a fierce woman, i would not like to cross paths with her. She's the kind of woman that would chase her husband down the street with a rolling pin, slay a dragon with her bare hands and then turn round and wipe her 35 year old son's nose. Lucy, the Irish girl, often pops round for a cup of tea when we are there (the women love a good natter) and she tells us stories about her husband's mother, you could write a best seller with them.
 
#5
I love my Turkish in-laws :D Ayse, Ahmet and the grandparents, uncles aunties and distant friends couldn't of made me feel more at home when I met them in Balikesir :) I was nervous but the helped me relax
 
#7
Chrisadasi;206826 said:
That sounds about right kibris. We know a girl in Kusadasi who lives there full time on the sitesi where our house is. She is Irish and married to a Turkish man from Bursa. His whole family comes to stay during the Summer and the peace ends. His mother is a fierce woman, i would not like to cross paths with her. She's the kind of woman that would chase her husband down the street with a rolling pin, slay a dragon with her bare hands and then turn round and wipe her 35 year old son's nose. Lucy, the Irish girl, often pops round for a cup of tea when we are there (the women love a good natter) and she tells us stories about her husband's mother, you could write a best seller with them.

that woman sounds like my ex boyfriends mum! turkish mother in laws are funny if you observe them from a distance but trying to get accepted by one is a different story.
 
#8
I find the best thing to do is be nice to them and don't get to good at Turkish. My mother in law is great, as far as I know she treats me like a son, same with my father in law. but I am sure the kebap knives would be sharpened if my wife had reason to them she was upset
 

Mella

Administrator
Staff member
Blogger
#9
I have heard some negative stories about Turkish mother in laws, but I have to say, I have the best mother in law ever, so I feel very lucky! Since the first time I met her we got on great, she treats me like a daughter and I call her anne because she is like my mum in Turkey. :smile:
 
#11
My MIL is a piece of work. :D In the beginning she wouldn't accept my relationship with her son, she did her best to break us up but we stuck it out through the bad times and now she treats me with respect i think she can see that we love each other and dont care what she thinks on this subject.
 
#12
I never had any problems with my mother-in-law, except for not understanding her at moments....a lot of moments ;) She was asking me when we were going to get married the second time I saw her :) I've also spend some time with her alone, without my boyfriend at the time. She brought me to an aunt, where we watched DVDs of other people's weddings all afternoon. Do you think she was trying to tell me something?

My brothers-in-law and sisters-in-law I have different relationships with. Some I love, some just irritate me :p But that's the nice thing of large families, you don't strike out if you don't like one brother, cause there's still a whole bunch left over.
 
#13
My boyfriend’s mum is really nice but in the beginning we did clash alot. She’s originally from a village and isn’t what you would call modern. I do love her dearly but she could make a saint loose their patience. My boyfriend is her only son so he is still treated like a baby even though he is almost 26, i don’t do everything for him like she does so she has a go about it, more so in the beginning of our relationship i think she wanted him to settle down with a nice Turkish girl. She critisises my cooking, my clothes, my weight, if i drink alcohol and much more but she is a softy at heart. Once you are part of a Turkish family it can be quite suffocating, i’m not that close to my own family and when i go and stay with them for long periods of time i feel like screaming, there is never a moments peace and there are always uncles, aunts, cousins, and sisters there. His mum is forever asking me when we are going to make her a grandmother, but she also says that i’m too skinny and don’t have child bearings hips, even though for me that’s a compliment. It’s not easy being in a relationship with a Turkish man because you feel like you are in a relationship with his whole family to.
 
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