My Relationship With A Turkish Man

#1
Hello to all, I am new here and I hope posting a thread new is the right thing to do, please tell me if I am doing this wrong.
I am really seeking perspectives and opinions about my man's mother, me and him have been together for 1 year and 7 months and I've been to Turkey to be with him and he has been here in my country with me as well. I stayed in his parents house because his father wanted this way, even though his mother always opposed it. I don't speak much Turkish yet so it was up to my bf to translate all interactions with family members with the exception of his father who speaks basic English.
Anyway, I knew it would be culturally shocking for his mom and grandparents since I am not Turkish nor Muslim and I do have some characteristics she apparently disapproves of. But believe me, I did all I could to respect where I was, who I was with, all the rules, all the things he had told me to do, not to do, all the things his grandma pointed out I couldn't do (cross my legs in her presence, eat with the left hand, etc) I gave gifts to his mother, sister and father, more than once, I helped around the house, I always asked her if she needed something, I even gave her a foot/leg massage because she was feeling very tired.
My bf went to army in February this year, and it's incredibly hard, but the worst was his mother, perhaps after knowing we are planning our lives together after he leaves the army (I will move to Turkey), she asked "please end this relationship. I don't want it" It destroyed me.
I have shed tears for this, me and bf have argued about it, and I just can't understand. It is not because of my personality, she admits I am a kind person and I have a good personality, her one huge problem seems to be that I am not "pure".

My question is... what the hell can I do? Why is she being so judgmental? Is this normal?
My bf is ready to cut all ties with his family to stay with me, but I don't want that. Family matters and a mother is a person's most important person!
Please advice...

Sorry for the long text, but I wanted to contextualize this whole thing.
Thank you, Ana
 
#2
Words fail me!!!....grab happiness with your boyfriend if he is truly a good person - his family (mother) do not deserve your dedication though of course I admire your respect and understanding of their culture - never forget jealousy and possessiveness could be involved here also - you have said it all so sadly I really cant help more - all the very best I hope you find happiness <3

Would a foreign man meeting a Turkish girl be questioned on his 'purity'??????
 

Anthony07

Welsh Prince
#4
What do you want? if you want him thats it, never mind the family you ain't marrying them, respect works both ways, talk to your fella about this and see what he says, if she is getting on your nerves go back to the UK and come back when appropriate. You and Him are the important people in this scenario, its your lives live them as you both see fit, if others want to be part of your life all well and good but if they put conditions on you do you really want to live with that?
 
#5
Hi all
I have just joined this forum and am interested in this thread. I am thinking of marrying a kurdish man at the end of the year. Apparently I am not allowed to visit his family until we are married as they would think we are having 'illegal sex' if we went to stay with them without being married. Is this for real folks! Anyway I hope 'mom-in-law' does not treat me like that poor girl in this thread x
 
#6
My question is... what the hell can I do? Why is she being so judgmental? Is this normal?
My bf is ready to cut all ties with his family to stay with me, but I don't want that. Family matters and a mother is a person's most important person!
Please advice...

Sorry for the long text, but I wanted to contextualize this whole thing.
Thank you, Ana
Let your bf act like a man. If he wants to cut all the ties for you, let him do it.
Mother is not the most important person when she has unacceptable ideas about the girl friend. Mothers can not choose girl friends. Mothers can't start, end, approve or reject a relation. We, real men, love our girl friends too much especially when the girl friend is right and the mother is wrong.
 
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