hehe found this amusing!!!

this made me giggle but if it offends u (dont look)

Mental Health Answerphone


This is from a local mental health centers answerphone:
(not really but would p*ss myself if they did use it!)

Hello and welcome to the mental health hotline;

If you are obsessive/compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependant, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, so stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are a manic depressive, it does not matter which number you press. No one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, please press 96 96 96 96 96 .

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and mothers maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bi-popular disorder,please leave a message after the bleep or before the bleep. Please wait for the bleep.

If you have short term memory loss, please press 9
If you have short term memory loss, please press 9
If you have short term memory loss, please press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up, all our operators are too busy to take your call.