Just for the guys!

#1
Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
A. Shoot him again.

Q. How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

Q. Why do little boys whine?
A. Because they're practicing to be men.

Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

OR

Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy.


Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.


Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A. Because not one will stop and ask directions.


Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?

A. To stop the snoring before it starts .

Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.


Q: What is the difference between men and women....
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.


Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.


Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"


:D :D

Here's more
He Said, She Said...


> He said . . . I don't now why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
> She said . . . You wear pants don't you?
>
> He said . .... . Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
> She said . . . Good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!
>
> He said . . . What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
> She said . . .Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
>
> He said . . . Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
> She said . . . I would but you're never there.
>
> He said . . . Why did the man cross the road?
> She said . . . He heard the chicken was a slut.
>
> He said . . . Why don't women blink during foreplay?
> She said . . . They don't have time
>
> He said . . .. What do men and sperm have in common?
> She said . . ....They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
>
> He said . . . How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
> She said . . . He buys two cases of beer.
>
> He said . . . What is the difference between men and government bonds?
> She said . . . The bonds mature.
>
> He said . . . Why are blonde jokes so short?
> She said . . . So men can remember them.
>
> He said . . . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
> She said . . . We don't know; it has not ever happened.
>
> He said . . . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
> She said . . . They already have boyfriends.
>
> He said . . . What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
> She said . . . A widow.
>
>
> He said . . . Why are married women heavier than single women?
> She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
>
> He said . . . What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
> She said . . . They're married.
>
> Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
> God says: "So you would love her."
> But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
> God says: "So she would love you."
 
#4
Just for the Blondes (Snigger)

A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mummy, Mummy!" she yelled, "We were counting in class today and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to ten. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10! See?"


"Very good," said her mother.


"Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?"


"Yes, it's because you're blonde."


The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "We were saying the alphabet in class today, and all the other kids could only go to D, but I went all the way to G. A, B, C, D, E, F, G! See?"


"Very good," said her mother.


"Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?"


"Yes, it's because you're blonde."


The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "We were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.


"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.


"Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?"















"No, Honey, it's because you're 24." :p :p :p
 

Mella

Administrator
Staff member
Blogger
#6
:D :D ha ha good 1.

I get blonde jokes told to me every single day. It doesn't help matters than i'm super blonde & also from Essex ha ha... I'm just asking for it, really.
 
#7
Touche Merlin lol :D

HE: Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money.

HE : I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours. SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.


HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE : How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must've been given your share.

HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

HE: Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

HE: Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE: Okay, get out.

HE: I think I could make you very happy.
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why? Don't you already have one?
HE: Shall we go see a movie?
SHE: I've already seen it.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.

HE: Your body is like a temple.
SHE: Sorry, there are no services today.

HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

SHE: Where I'll be the rest of your life - in your wildest dreams.
 
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