Women Breaking Records....

#1
Amazingly, due to pressure from feminists, Guinness have been forced to publish a FEMALE version of the Guinness Book of Records.

Here are a few a excerpts from the British edition:

CAR PARKING

The smallest kerbside space successfully reversed into
by a woman was one of 19.36m (63ft 2ins), equivalent
to three standard parking spaces, by Mrs. Elizabeth
Simpkins, driving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova 'Swing'
on 12th October 1993. She started the manoeuvre at
11.15am in Ropergate, Pontefract, and successfully
parked within three feet of the pavement 8 hours 14
minutes later. There was slight damage to the bumpers
and wings of her own and two adjoining cars, as well
as a shop frontage and two lamp posts.

FILM CONFUSION

The greatest length of time a woman has watched a film with her husband without asking a stupid plot-related question was achieved on the 28th of October 1990, when Mrs. Ethel Brunswick sat down with her husband to watch 'The Ipcress File'. She watched in silence for a breath-taking 2mins 40 secs before asking "Is he a goodie or a baddie, him in the glasses?",

This broke her own record set in 1962 when she sat through 2 mins 38 secs of '633 Squadron' before asking "Is this a war film, is it?".

INCORRECT DRIVING

The longest journey completed with the handbrake on
was one of 504 km(313 miles) from Stranraer to
Holyhead by Dr. Julie Thorn (GB) at the wheel of a
Saab 900 on the 2nd April 1987. Dr. Thorn smelled
burning two miles into her journey at Aird but pressed
on to Holyhead with smoke billowing from the rear
wheels. This journey also holds the records for the
longest completed journey with the choke fully out and
the right indicator flashing.

JUMBLE SALE MASSACRE

The greatest number of old ladies to perish whilst
fighting at a jumble sale is 98, at a Methodist Church
Hall in Castleford, West Yorkshire on February 12th
1991. When the doors opened at 10.00am, the initial
scramble to get in cost 16 lives, a further 25 being
killed in a crush at the first table. A seven-way
skirmish then broke out over a pinafore dress costing
10p which escalated into a full scale melee resulting
in another 18 lives being lost. A pitched battle over
a headscarf then ensued and quickly spread throughout the hall, claiming 39 old women. The jumble sale raised £5.28 for local boy scouts.

GOSSIPING

On February 18th 1992, Joyce Blatherwick, a close
friend of Agnes Banbury popped round for a cup of tea
and a chat, during the course of which she told Mrs.
Banbury, in the strictest confidence, that she was
having an affair with the butcher. After Mrs.
Blatherwick left at 2.10pm, Mrs.Banbury immediately
began to tell everyone, swearing them all to
secrecy.By 2.30pm, she had told 128 people of the
news. By 2.50pm it had risen to 372 and by 4.00pm that afternoon, 2774 knew of the affair, including the
local Amateur dramatic Society, several knitting
circles, a coachload of American tourists which she
flagged down and the butchers wife. When a tired
Mrs.Banbury went to bed at 11.55pm that night,
Mrs.Blatherwick's affair was common knowledge to a
staggering 75,338 people, enough to fill Wembley
Stadium.

GROUP TOILET VISIT

The record for the largest group of women to visit a
toilet simultaneously is held by 147 workers at the
Department of Social Security, Longbenton. At their
annual Christmas celebration at a night club in
Newcastle-Upon-Tyne on October 12th 1994, Mrs. Beryl Crabtree got up to the toilet and was immediately followed by 146 other members of the party. Moving as a mass, the group entered the toilet at 9.52pm and, after waiting for everyone to finish, emerged 2 hrs 37 mins later.

SINGLE BREATH SENTENCE

An Oxfordshire woman today became the first ever to
break the thirty minute barrier for talking without
drawing breath. Mrs.Mavis Sommers, 48, of Cowley,
smashed the previous record of 23 minutes when she
excitedly reported an argument she'd had in the
butchers to her neighbour. She ranted on for a
staggering 32 minutes and 12 seconds without pausing
for air, before going blue and collapsing in a heap on
the ground. She was taken to Radcliffe Infirmary in a
wheelbarrow but was released later after check-ups. At the peak of her mammoth motormouth marathon, she achieved an unbelievable 680 words per minute,
repeating the main points of the story an amazing 114
times whilst her neighbour, Mrs. Dolly Knowles, nodded
and tutted. The last third of the sentence was
delivered in a barely audible croak, the last two
minutes being mouthed only, accompanied by vigorous
jesticulations and indignant spasms.

Incredible eh!
 
#3
merlin said:
JUMBLE SALE MASSACRE

The greatest number of old ladies to perish whilst
fighting at a jumble sale is 98, at a Methodist Church
Hall in Castleford, West Yorkshire on February 12th
1991. When the doors opened at 10.00am, the initial
scramble to get in cost 16 lives, a further 25 being
killed in a crush at the first table. A seven-way
skirmish then broke out over a pinafore dress costing
10p which escalated into a full scale melee resulting
in another 18 lives being lost. A pitched battle over
a headscarf then ensued and quickly spread throughout the hall, claiming 39 old women. The jumble sale raised £5.28 for local boy scouts.
Ha ha ha Merlin,

would all this be responsive to my prayer by any chance.???? awww big kiss babe,
 
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